Why We Blame Ourselves: Struggles with Guilt and the Power of Social Influence
St. Augustine, a prominent Father of the Church, chronicled his early memories in his work "Confessions." His life was marked by persistent feelings of overwhelming guilt.
In his "Confessions," St. Augustine recalls a particular episode from his youth when he and his friends climbed into a neighbors garden to steal pears. While this behavior was inappropriate, it was relatively trivial for teenage boys. Nevertheless, the event had a lasting impact on him.
Throughout his life, St. Augustine considered this behavior as proof of his inherent depravity and sinfulness. He came to the grim conclusion that it was not just a bad mistake of a good person, but that his nature (personality) was terrible and vicious.
How did he come to such a radical conclusion about his absolute depravity?
He gave two arguments as proof:
- He was not hungry when he stole the pears
- There were better pears to eat in his parent’s garden
Based on this argument, he extrapolated the notion of a deeply sinful nature in himself and others.
However, this conclusion overlooks crucial aspects of human behavior:
- St. Augustine’s act didn’t occur in isolation, but within a group of teenagers, repeating what others did. Of course, it does not liberate him from responsibility but sheds light on human motivation.
- Psychologist Albert Bandura (1925-2021) emphasized "social learning," suggesting that people act not only because of intrinsic reinforcement/reward or discomfort reduction, but also to imitate the actions of others. When assessing someones behavior, we need to consider this social determinant, given that every person (no matter what they think about themselves) is influenced by others.
- Psychoanalyst Wilfred Bion (1897-1979) taught us to see a group as an individual, echoing T. Hobbes’ concept of Leviathan. However, the opposite is also true. It is insightful to perceive each individual as a representative of the groups they belong to, and the obligations those relationships entail. This understanding helps us to see that our actions are often motivated by the behaviors and expectations of those around us, reflecting our nature as social creatures.
It’s essential to recognize that the "guilt" that tormented St. Augustine was not a feeling, but a judgment and a misguided conclusion. St. Augustine was mistaken by attributing the cause entirely to himself, overlooking the impact of group dynamics, such as the sense of belonging and its influence on his motivation and behavior.
His second error lay in his inability to separate his actions from his self-worth. He adopted the belief that: "When I misbehave, it is not just a mistake or a manifestation of my imperfections. Its proof that I am bad!" Instead of condemning his behavior (acknowledging his violations, drawing conclusions, and compensating for the harm), he blamed his entire personality.
Key Lessons:
- Look not only deep inside yourself, but also around you.
- Condemn the behavior, but not the personality as a whole.
In search for deeper self-awareness, virtual cognitive behavioural therapy and online mental health councelling are some of the tools one can use on the journey towards enhanced understanding of themselves and the world around them. At E Clinic, our specialists offer the best online therapy services. Reach out to us to speak to a psychologist online and book a free consultation to talk about your needs and desires!
D.Avtonomov©